3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
