Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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