Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
