Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
