Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
