I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
