i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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