I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
