I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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