it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
