Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
