god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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