i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
