There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
