I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
