whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
