My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize