well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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