I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
