I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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