mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
