So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
