So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
