the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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