You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
