WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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