I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize