Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I didn't notice because vodka
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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