Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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