Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
