mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
