she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
