i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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