We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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