I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
