try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
