i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
