Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
