I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
