I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize