Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
