I think my vagina is haunted
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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