Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
