Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
