Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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