Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Mom said you looked used
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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