Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
