Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
