we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
