Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
