make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
