but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
