I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
