cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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