I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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