in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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