I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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