What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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