Just mADE A PArabola og urine
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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