Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
