Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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