they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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