i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
