I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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