$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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