she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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