You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
