It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
